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Month: June 2016

When The Miracle Hasn’t Come…. What Then?

When The Miracle Hasn’t Come…. What Then?

 

Have you ever had something you have been praying about, pouring your heart out to God over, even pleading with God for a miracle?  You long to see God perform a miracle right before your eyes!

My husband and I have had several different occasions where we pleaded with God for a miracle and He answered!  It was incredible to see God work in our lives!  There have also been other times when we have done the same thing, we cried out to God for a miracle, but the miracle never came.

What happens when that miracle does not come?  What then?

This is the question I have been mulling over in my own mind the past several weeks.

What happens when suffering remains and the miracle just isn’t there?

Earlier this year my husband and I discovered we were expecting another baby.  We were pleasantly surprised and very hopeful! My doctor had run all kinds of blood work and we begged God to let us keep this baby.

Appointment after appointment, a strong steady heartbeat could be heard. A growing little baby was forming inside of me and God was performing a miracle right inside my body! We were at the doctors office quite often and I was continuously poked and prodded, but I didn’t care! Anything to help us keep this baby alive was fine by us!

One particular afternoon we headed to the Dr again, it was an appointment simply for peace of mind and to hear the heartbeat. There is nothing quite like that sound, is there? A beautiful rhythm of life beating inside causes both comfort and hope to wash over an expectant mother!

Day after day my husband and I pleaded with the Lord on behalf of our baby and before we went in to see the Doctor we prayed in our car.  My heart was beginning to feel a bit anxious but taking my fears to the One who can help calm me is exactly what we did. On  this particular day however, when the doppler was placed on my stomach, there was only silence.

Deafening silence.

Just as there is nothing quite like the sound of a beating heart on a doppler, there is nothing quite like the sound of silence when all you long to hear is a heartbeat.

All the hopes and dreams we had for this sweet one, lay shattered in our hearts. Again.

Our sixth baby was in the arms of Jesus instead of still growing in my womb.

This was a tough tough place for me. I really wanted that baby!

My heart began to battle with the Lord. Questions of “why” and “what am I doing wrong?” were now what my prayers were filled with instead of expectant hope. This loss filled me with a brokenness I had not known for a long while.  A grief so deep it would take something only God could do to pull me out. I just could not believe we found ourselves in this place again, for the 6th time.

Have you been there before?  Expected a miracle from the Lord, heart full of faith, and yet that miracle did not happen.

During this time I had been reading in the book of Psalms and as I read through Psalm 119 one particular morning, I was struck by one verse.  I stopped, re-read it, underlined it, and wrote it on my bathroom mirror so I would see it often!

Verse 28 says, “My soul melteth for heaviness: strengthen thou me according unto thy word.

This verse was written just for me!  Seriously though, isn’t it incredible when we are reading through Scripture and a verse we have read numerous times before suddenly seems to jump off the pages and it is exactly what we need.

My soul really did feel like it was melting. I was so discouraged and hurting, but the latter half of that verse reminded me of where I needed to find my source of strength. In His Word.

The past few months I have slowly been taking my time reading through the book of Psalms and have been finding a balm for my heart in the Word of God.

I still have days of struggle, more days than I care to admit!  I still get tripped up and battle with the flesh and spirit, but the Lord always has a way of reminding me what I need to get back to. Where I can find my encouragement and my true source of healing.

Two months ago we said good-bye to our expectant little baby boy, and though tears still tend to be numerous because I miss him terribly, though my heart still aches to know him here on earth, to kiss his soft little baby cheeks, to love on him as only a Mama can do, I trust. I know that our little guy is being loved on with a love so much greater than mine!  A love so much more perfect than I ever could give. I trust in our good God because He has proven Himself time again that even when I do not understand, even when I hurt, He is so worthy of my trust. I can run to Him with all the cares of my heart and let His ever capable shoulders carry my hurts.

Psalm 116:2 says,Because he hath inclined his ear unto me, therefore will I call upon him as long as I live.”  That verse tells me that God is leaning in, just to hear my prayer! The God of the Universe is interested in hearing the prayer of my heart. The incredible truth of this verse is something I cannot even wrap my mind around!  How can I not help but pray, when His ear is turned towards me?

The verse currently  on my mirror is one that the Lord recently reminded me of.  Lamentations 3:24, “The Lord is my portion, saith my soul; therefore will I hope in him.” 

When hurts come our way, when life seems to not be turning out how we anticipated, when our miracle is taking a little bit longer to happen than we anticipated, we can hope in Him! We can find rest in Him while we wait {Psalm 37:7, Rest in the LORD, and wait patiently for him} but keep on hoping in Him!

 

Many Blessings,

Wendy

 

 

 

ps: If this post has been an encouragement to you, please feel free to share it with others!