Church is a huge part of our life. With my husband as a Pastor I suppose that was a very obvious and expected statement. 🙂
When the doors at church are opened our family is there. I sit in the pews (which really I have always thought was a funny name for a seat… who came up with that one?) with my three children, one of which who shall go unnamed is rather squirmy. She’s one, that is to be expected right?
I have to be honest, when my husband first shared with me that he felt God was calling him to be a Sr. Pastor I said, “Oh no honey, I don’t think so!” It wasn’t that I felt he wouldn’t do a great job! It wasn’t that I thought he would fail! I thought quite the opposite actually, I knew he would do a great job! My reasoning was because of me! I didn’t think I was ready to be a Sr. Pastor’s wife!
I mean, some of the Pastors wives I have had throughout my life always seemed to have it together. Perfect outfits, perfect hair, perfect children, perfect life! They smiled and were gracious to everyone they met, even to the not so friendly church-goers. They seemed to never miss a day of Bible reading, they spent hours upon hours praying daily, their children were quick to obey and smiled adoringly at their mother. This was not me.
I didn’t have it all together so we had to wait to take on this role until I did!
You know what’s coming right? The Lord had some work to do on my heart.
He has reminded me that no one has it all together, which I mean I sort of knew but didn’t really want to admit it. Those women were such great examples in my life and I just didn’t even compare to them! They were waaaaaay up here (imagine hand gesture) and I was waaaaay down here (again, hand gesture). They always knew the right words to say they always had the sweetest spirit, never did they seem to have a bad day. In reality, they didn’t have it all together and they would be the first to admit that, they just knew how to cling to the One who does.
So here I am, a Pastor’s wife. As human as they come. Yet the Lord is continuously teaching me that I need to rely on His grace in every aspect of my life. I will never have it all together, but I am learning to lean heavily on the One who does. I feel unworthy to stand by my man in such a leadership role, I know the sins I have committed that week! I know I didn’t get to read my Bible as much as I wanted to that week, I know I needed to pray more, I burned dinner, our clothes sat in the washer way to long and had to be washed again, my clean laundry may or may not have sat in piles for a day or more utterly neglected, I probably didn’t have as much patience as I needed to have with my children. I am fully aware at how I falter and still God chose to place this call on my life and follow my husband, truly one of the most Christ-like men I know, as he became a Pastor. To stand by his side and cheer him on, to pray for him and lift him up, to be his wife and helpmeet. So it really doesn’t matter that I don’t have it all together! When God calls, we follow. He doesn’t need my excuses or impertinent reasoning’s, He simple needs my obedience and rely on Him like I have never done before!
If I did have it all together how much less would I depend on God? How proud would I become? How little glory would I give to Christ? I would tend to think “Look what I did!” instead of “Look what God has done!” That’s just the reality of our sin nature. It’s ugly to look at and admit, but it’s truth.
I’m thankful that God has still chosen to use me despite feeling unqualified and knowing I have so very much to learn, but what an honor God has given me. What a gift to be able to reach out to so many lives and minister to them! Love them like Jesus loves them, extend grace like He extends to me. What an incredible opportunity to serve the people in our church and community! It is a blessing to have people in our home and feed them dinner but also to have ample opportunity to encourage them spiritually!
I’m a mess. I have bad hair days, I fail daily, my clothes may not always match, my children will misbehave, I won’t always know the right words to say or what to do and chances are I will let people down. But who doesn’t have these same things in their life? All of these things point out my greater need for a Savior! I may be a Pastor’s wife, but that doesn’t mean I am any better than the next Christian striving to live a life pleasing to the Lord! Quite the opposite actually! We are all in this race reaching for the prize set before us together and I just happen to be married to the Pastor.