4 Years

4 Years

It is amazing how it has been 4 years since we held and loved on our sweet Elioenai.  We had just a few hours with him when most parents get to enjoy all of their children for a lifetime!  Those few sweet hours holding and cherishing this sweet boy are but a memory now.  Four years ago we experienced a depth of sorrow we have never known before or since and four years ago we experienced grace like we have never experienced it before.

When I find out that we are expecting, it is always a joyous time!  My mind wanders and dreams about the memories we will make with that child.  I am thrilled to experience that JOY that a new child brings into a parents life.  Thinking about rearranging pictures on the walls of our home to include this new little life, teaching him or her life skills, everything about parenting is something I look forward to!  Hearing “there is no heartbeat” brings our world crashing down around us.  Those are words we have heard 5 times over now and each time it does not get easier to hear.

Even though we are now 4 years away from the birth of our still born son, it is not something I can talk about much without tearing up.  My Mommy heart aches to know Eli and see him grow!  I trust the perfect will of God but there were times in the darkness of night where I laid on my bed, staring into the dark room and asked, “why?”  Personally I do not believe it is wrong to ask why if done so in the right spirit, but I also have had to learn to be content when silence is my answer.

Each life is precious.  Each life has purpose and meaning.  The losses we have experienced have taught me over and over that no matter my circumstances, God is unchanging and therefore He is ALWAYS good, no matter what.  Our losses have also taught me that life is precious and fleeting and we are not promised tomorrow.  Our lives are in the hand of our Creator and He has our days numbered.  How thankful I am to have been given our 3 healthy and beautiful children here on earth, how thankful I am to have been given the opportunity to carry our 5 other children that are now in the presence of Jesus, and how thankful I am to have the HOPE of Heaven and seeing our children again one day.

Children are a blessing, a true gift from the Lord!  No matter how long their life is, just the fact that they are a life means that they are a gift.

Happy Birthday sweet Elioenai!  I am so thankful that you are able to experience the true meaning of your name and that your face is towards God!  What a gift that you get to see His face first!  We love you and cannot wait to see you again, completely whole, healthy, and joyful in the presence of the Lord!  I love you so much!!


0 thoughts on “4 Years

  1. Hard to believe it has been 4 years already. I’m so sorry to read about the loss of your latest baby. I don’t always understand the way the Lord works but what I do know is that He is good all the time. Praying for your family during these hard times.

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